Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I really am here

I can't believe I let so many days get by without having anything to post at all. Life gets that way sometimes....well, for me, it gets that way a lot of the time. Sometimes I don't realize what a bluesy slump I'm in until it lifts just a bit and then I start to realize that I thought I was around here but in reality I was gone. I know, hard to understand to anyone who doesn't go through this and lives with depression, low esteem and so forth. Sometimes it's just too hard to fight and others not so much.....some days you fake your way through and some days you just can't. I long for a little cozy cottage where I could just pack up and go stay alone for a while. Read, do art, watch movies and just relax; not have to get dressed, not answer a phone and no need to speak unless I want to!
Winter is hard, too. By this time of Feb, the cold dreary days are getting old and the tiny hints of Spring coming in the future are major mean teases! We haven't really had a hard Winter this year but it's been long anyway. It always is; and then Summer finally comes on in a rush and is gone before you can have time to enjoy it fully.
I had another birthday this month, too. This one didn't really bother me much....I'm at that sort of nothing age again. Too old for a lot of things but yet too young for others. Like being 12 & 13, you remember those years?
Anyway, I am here, I get on and check all my fav blogs and even find more to add to my list. I've been diddling with art but haven't really done much that I can show. Soon, though!  really....

6 comments:

Heavens2Betsy said...

Hi, after I read some posts about peoples struggles yesterday, I wrote a piece called Healing Wishes on my blog. Yours was one of those I had read. Please call over and take a look. Heartfelt wishes sent to you.
Http://Heavens2betsy-Creativeoverflow.blogspot.com

Diane said...

Hi Star--I can so relate to what you are saying (I even had a birthday this month too:) I am so ready for winter to be over. If I could afford to take my entire family with me, I know that I would move to a different climate-just somewhere where the winters aren't very long and the summers are. I'm glad that you posted, though--keep posting!!

Joni aka Jett said...

I know that one of the hardest things about depression is letting others see us that way. I'd love a place to go hide and shell up for a while too. Decorated and equipped with all my favorite things. I think this is one of the reasons we suffer from that empty sadness. Because we can't really live that way all the time. Life is hard and meaningless sometimes. They say that in those times we shouldn't isolate ourselves, but sometimes I disagree. I think it's our spirits longing for a better place.

Anonymous said...

Hi Star, glad to see you back. I was checking every day and was getting worried that you hadn't posted anything.
Hope you feel better soon. This winter has gotten to me too...ugh.
Hugs...Val

Laura said...

One little thing that's helped me this winter that I got from not one but 2 of my Dr.'s. The light bulbs that are real light. Look for them at wally world. I have them in the living room next to where I sit in the evenings and in the studio where I spend most of the day.It has helped with the SAD part of depression that I didn't even know was getting me! We have gone for weeks this year with no sunshine, and I didn't really miss it thanks to those light bulbs. Usually I'm craving sunshine. Well, I'll still take a trip to the beach if you're giving it to me free of charge!

Wanda said...

Hugs, Star. I can relate. I realized earlier today that I am again walking that thin edge. And it would be really easy to just jump off into it again. Not sure what I will do... But I am very good at pretending. Tomorrow I am co-hosting a baby shower, so will put on a happy face and ignore anything that pulls my notice to things that trigger feeling worse. Saying that, it seems that I am very self-centered. Maybe I am. But I do my best to be kind and not cause anyone else any pain or unhappiness. Because THAT is what will definately send me into a deeper depression. I never do get dressed any more unless I am going somewhere. Then it's back to pjs as soon as I am home again.

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